Breaking free from the trap of comparison

I recently had a meaningful conversation with a friend about the act of comparison. Whether we like it or not, we all do it — who has the better job, car, or life. As much as I try to avoid this behavior because I believe it’s the killer of happiness, I’m only human.

The main catalyst for this need to compare is social media. We use these platforms daily and it has become the norm to update followers on what we’re up to. Most of us, myself included, highlight the best parts of our lives while leaving out the struggles — after all, who wants to see someone sad or falling behind?

Social media is also a primary outlet where some individuals showcase their successes, which can easily lead to comparison. Studies have shown that social media can often lead to self-esteem issues, but we cannot exactly tell people to stop posting about their recent trip to Tulum just to make ourselves feel better. This has been a hard pill to swallow, but some years will be our best, while others may be normal or even our worst. To a certain extent, we create the algorithms on these platforms, so we have some power to control the content we view. I’ve started stepping back from content that upsets me and my devices no longer push that media my way.

After graduating from college, I struggled to find a job in my field. I was doing everything my professors and social media advised — tweaking my resume, networking, and applying strategically — yet no one seemed interested. Seeing LinkedIn posts from classmates announcing new positions stung because it made me think something was wrong with me. I had multiple versions of my resume tailored to every job listing, and still, I heard nothing. I had envisioned having it all together post-grad — the dream job, life figured out — but social media often feeds us the false narrative that we must follow a rigid mold for success, which is far from the truth. You can be ahead of the curve for a significant part of your life, but there will be times when everything feels stagnant, like you’re stuck in place while everyone else moves forward. I wish I could tell my younger self that this is temporary and not my final chapter.

Being in my 20s is a strange time. I like to think of these years as my bonus teenage years, except now I have bills to pay. Some of my friends are married with children, while others are fur parents for the time being — and that’s OK. Even though I’m in no rush to settle down, I sometimes see posts that make me feel sad because I don’t have a fiance and a white picket fence. Eventually, I snap out of it, reminding myself that we all navigate life on different timelines. I just wish my brain had a switch to prevent these comparisons from creeping in.

Under some circumstances, comparison can serve as motivation, but too often, it becomes a tool for self-doubt. Another major culprit is societal pressure and the unrealistic standards we set. This has existed for ages, but I believe women, in particular, face higher expectations and shorter timelines for success. The notion that we should have achieved certain milestones by a specific age is absurd. Vera Wang didn’t get her big break until she was in her 40s — proof that there’s no expiration date on success.

I may never fully silence the voice in my head telling me I should be doing more, but I’m learning to affirm that slow and steady wins the race. At the end of the day, the tortoise did win — and so can I.